Over the years I've had a few celebrity crushes only to find out later that they were inappropriate for one reason or another. Below are my 5 most inappropriate celebrity crushes, why they were wrong and how I justify them.

5. Hayden Panettiere, That Chick From Heroes

Why it was inappropriate: Men in their mid to late 20's should not have crushes on 17 year old girls. It's creepy and it's wrong.

Why it WASN'T my fault: She sure didn't dress like a 17 year old, if you GIS search her name she licks everything in sight and she is dating a 30 something co-star.

Why it WAS my fault: She was playing a high schooler, not a huge stretch to assume she was under 18.

4. The Olsen Twins, Of The Olsen Twins Fame

Why it was inappropriate: They were 16, I was in my 20's. Also, I watched them grow up on t.v.

Why it WASN'T my fault: Everybody was doing it.

Why it WAS my fault: It's not like I didn't know how old they were. There was a website counting down to their 18th birthday after all.

3. Natalie Portman, The Girl From Leon: The Professional

Why it was inappropriate: She was 12 goddamn years old.

Why it WASN'T my fault: I was 14 and looked like the kid from Milk Money.

Why it WAS my fault: At the time 12 and 14 would have been a little creepy, she wasn't even in high school.

2. Ellen Feiss, Mac Commercial Girl

Why it was inappropriate: I'm like 8 years older than her and she was NOT an adult.

Why it WASN'T my fault: How the hell was I supposed to know she wasn't in college? What kind of parents let their 14 year old daughter shoot a Mac commercial whilst stoned? Seriously. Maybe it wasn't her fault, maybe it was the script, but it totally sounded like she was a real person. I was clearly deceived.

Why it WAS my fault: Nope, I blame Steve Jobs.

1. Taylor Hanson, The Chick From Hanson

Why it was inappropriate: He was 14 and he was a he.

Why it WASN'T my fault: I was only 16 and he didn't look like a dude in that video. Besides, Taylor is totally a girls name.

Why it WAS my fault: He's a dude. I don't care how well one tucks it in, that was totally my bad.

Runner-ups: Keira Nightly, Jessica Rabbit, Ben's daughter, Johnny Depp, Anne Frank

Luckily, with age comes new celebrity crushes. I think I'm pretty safe with Tina Fey. ...unless of course that scar came from zipping up some kind of people suit and she's really a gray alien. Best not to think about it.