So, The Consumerist, Yahoo, Huffington Post, etc are running with this story involving Adrian Peterson. The story, as reported, goes like this: Woman let’s Adrian Peterson use the bathroom, at 3am, at the McDonald’s she assistant-manages from. She then, like a week later, got fired.

Here’s what happened, probably:

1. This chick works at McDonalds.
2. This chick blows off like a week of work.
3. Chick shows up to work at McDonalds.
4. Chick gets fired.
5. Chick makes up a story.
6. Local news reports the story.
7. Chick gets her job back.
8. National news reports the story.
9. Chick loses her job again.