The Strategic Retreat

Bachelor Chow

A lot of ideas are up in the ether, just waiting for somebody to pull em down. Bachelor Chow is one of those ideas; something you can’t really say you invented or thought up first, all you can do is be the first to put it out there. The good people at Futurama put it out there. Like almost all things Futurama it was smart and amusing but unlike flying cars or Slurm I actually think Bachelor Chow would be a damn fine product.

Hear me out; nutrition is horribly ignored in this country. We have the means to eat well, the experience to know what we’re supposed to eat, and yet most American’s eat like swamp trash. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure other industrialized countries eat Dorito sandwiches too but I’m a citizen of the U.S. and I’m writing about what I know, as the old adage goes.

Bachelor Chow is a funny name but the product is needed for most people, not just bachelors. Unless you have a dedicated house frau or personal chef, chances are you eat like shit.

People too dumb, drugged or lazy to take care of themselves get food stamps yet most of what is at the local super market is “food” only in the sense it has calories and fills the belly. So as a society we admit that people are too dumb, drugged up or lazy to fend for themselves but then we give them carte blanche at the Safeway? What in their lives leads us to believe they’ll make the proper food decisions for themselves or their children?

That’s correct, I’m suggesting that instead of giving out food stamps we should be giving out a human form of dog food. Why? Because although unpopular it will be better for the children of food-stampers. Although I don’t care much about people who toss their lives away I do care about their children. In fact I think all U.S. citizens should have the option of eating cheap but nutritious Bachelor Chow. If you’re a U.S. citizen you should be entitled to a daily gallon of water, a bowl of bachelor chow, a tube to sleep in and library access. If you want a hostess cup cake, that’s fine; but it’s not food so you’ll have to work for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Bachelor Chow should be just for the poor. I think it should be for everyone; but if you’re going to get free food, it’s going to be Bachelor Chow.

Bachelor Chow

Daily dose of Bachelor Chow:

Dietary Fiber: 21-38 grams(pdf) about twice what the average American gets

Nine or Ten Essential Amino Acids

Three Essential Fatty Acids

Eighteen Dietary Minerals

A Bunch of Vitamins

Now I’m not going to figure out things precisely as there needs to be a Bachelor Chow, a Kiddy Chow, Old Spinster Chow and such. Different sexes at different ages have different needs. We may even need to have fat-ass chow so fat-asses don’t get too much vitamin A and what not.

I’m not saying that Bachelor Chow will solve all our country’s problems. It would just stop hunger and poor nutrition while lessening obesity, heart disease, a variety of cancers, etc.

About Jeff

I write a lot of things about a things. Feel free to comment with suggestions.