As this website continues to develop you will eventually come to hate me. I've accepted this. Most people who don't know me do indeed hate me. In real life I'm smart, charming, polite and generous but in real life people rarely address religion, politics or basically anything of consequence. This bothers me so I've strategically retreated to my own little world where such things can be discussed. And by "discussed" I mean, discussed by me with no feedback from you.

You may never learn to hate me but if you're anything like most people you probably will. First off I'm a straight, white male. That pisses people right off. I have a dog and a cat, live in a major city (Portland), have great friends, a college degree and am marrying the girl I've been in love with since I was 14. This also pisses people off. People don't like happy people, they don't like people who live well and they sure as hell don't like opinionated people. Here's a short list of why people hate me. People don't hate lists.

10. War

Pro-war people hate me because I am and always have been against the Iraq war. This is way less of a problem in 2008 Portland than it was in 2003 Wisconsin.

Anti-war people hate me because I am and always have been in favor of the Taliban war.

9. Government Spending

Liberals hate me because I don't believe in spending money the country doesn't has.

Conservatives hate me because I believe in raising taxes and lessening our global military presence.

8. Religion

I think religion is silly. Yes, Moonbeam, even Wicca.

I think astrology, spiritualism, healing gemstones and holistic medicine are just as bad.

7. Money:

I don't make a lot of money. This makes it hard for some middle to upper class people to relate to me.

I spend money frugally, save what little I have, don't blame others for my situation and feel that I make enough to be happy and secure. This makes it hard for some poor people to relate to me.

6. Israel:

Fundamentalist Christians and many Jews get pissy that I don't support Israel's policies on expansion, water hoarding and civilian containment.

Anti-Semites get pissy that I don't have anything against the Jewish people.

5. Gays

Conservatives hate me because I don't hate gay people. Homosexuality doesn't really look like it's a choice and it seems to me that hating people with gay is a lot like hating people with autism. You're dealt the hand your dealt and all you can do is play it out.

Liberals hate me because I don't fully embrace the modern gay culture. Also, I just equated gayness with autism. That doesn't earn me any Portland points.

4. Welfare:

I'm opposed to most forms of welfare. If you're an adult you should get water, a sleeping tube and some bachelor chow. That's it.

I support publicly funded meals, clothes and health care for children. I also believe that troubled schools should be drastically overhauled and that kids with poor parents should have the same educational opportunities as kids with rich parents.

3. Immigration:

I sympathize with illegal immigrants, have no problem with Hispanic people and my great grandfather came here illegally.

I don't believe there are jobs that Americans won't do. I do believe that, unless the goal is to level out wages globally, some kind of plan must go into effect.

2. Height

I'm shorter than the average bear. Significantly so. People hate short men, they even pay us less money for equal work. Sure, some short men are tolerated, those who accept their given role in society as being less than equal, but not me. I fall into the most hated sub group of short men; neither a Napoleon nor a stepping stool. I don't try to overcompensate for being short nor do I wish to be tall. I am who I am and I recognize that the only short coming to my height is your attitude about it.

1. Serotonin

I don't have enough of it. People hate people with major depression. Not enough insulin? Here's a friggin parade. Not enough serotonin? Let's yell at you.

Just missed: campaign finance reform, guns, graffiti, free speech, affirmative action, Peta, bicycles, polygamists, universal health care, mainstream media and MacGyver.

This is really just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I'm opinionated and not in a popular Limbaugh/Franken kind of way. I'm opinionated in a way that will piss you and your worst enemy off in the same breath. I don't try to be offensive but it happens. If you continue to read my website at some point you will probably be offended. Fair warning.

I'm getting married in July. I proposed with this Boggle board last January. I enjoy being a nerd.

One of the last classes I took at university was Black Power. It was a pretty good class. I learned a lot about the roots of the black power movement, African history and present-day class struggles plus my professor wore a dashiki. Along with useful information I was also taught some crap; all white people are racist, black people cannot be racist and that once upon a time black people were considered 3/5ths of a person.

While I disagree with the belief that my skin color makes me racist I don't feel like arguing that point. Mainly because it's a silly assertion. What bothers me is the 3/5ths fallacy. It makes a good bullet point for an emotional argument but its modern invocation is, without fail, uninformed and ignorant.

When people talk about being 3/5ths of a person they are referring to Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 of the U.S. Constitution. This is commonly called the 3/5ths compromise. I see this talking point used in blogs and speeches all the time which either makes me chuckle or frown, depending upon my mood. Here's why:

If slave owners had their way then slaves would have been counted as at least one person, multiples of one person if they could have gotten away with it. The people who wanted slaves to not count at all were the good (not as bad) people. There has never been a time in our history where the vote a black person was worth 3/5ths the vote of a white person.

The counting of slaves, as provisioned for in the constitution, was to decide how much power slave owners had in voting for the Federal government. That's it. The more a slave counted for the more a slave owner prospered. A slave was never 3/5ths of a person, a white person owning a slave was 8/5ths of a person. A person owning ten slaves was 35/5ths of a person. This allowed slave states to be over represented in congress and aided the continuation of slavery.

In actuality a slave wasn't really considered a person at all. The only reasons slaves were given any percentage points was to give more power to those oppressing them. It's not the lack of 2/5ths that should offend, it's the inclusion of the 3/5ths. Well that and the whole forced servitude thing. That probably sucked pretty hard.

In a week and a half I will be starting my new job. Thanks haircut. This will affect my life in many ways: I'll have more money, I'll be underemployed outside of my house rather than inside my house, I'll have to wake up early, I'll have insurance, I'll have a 401(k), I'll get to work in a fancy building downtown and no more pantsless work.

Most of the changes will be favorable and in many ways I'm looking forward to my new gig. Regardless, I need the job as my girlfriend/fiance/domestic partner (whatever the kids call a lady friend these days) is finishing grad school next month and its my turn to supply the health insurance. I'll be entering corporate America for at least a year as I weigh my choice between law school and keeping my soul.

This means I have less than two weeks to mentally prepare myself for a mass transit commute to work. The two most important phrases to remember when commuting to work sans car are; "No, you can't have a cigarette" and "No, you can't have a dollar". Today I'll address why I won't give you a cigarette.

5. Cigarettes Are Bad For You

Cigarettes can contribute to premature death. That's not just me talking, that's the Surgeon General. The Surgeon General is both a surgeon and a general, not somebody you want to mess around with.
While I may choose to do things that harm me I don't feel very ethical in assisting others in harming themselves. You may not have thought things through or you may not know the risks involved and its not my wish to spread harmful habits.

4. I Don't Know You

There's a difference between begging and borrowing. If a friend wants a cigarette, there's a good chance he or she will reciprocate with a cigarette in the future. I'm simply lending out a commodity that will be paid back at a later time. I do not beg, therefore I do not ask strangers for cigarettes. This means I will never be reimbursed said cigarette from you, stranger. Even if I were one to bum a grit the chance that a bumee will have one to share at a later date is slim. This then becomes an act of charity. As a rule I do not engage in direct charity to individuals as I feel charitable organizations are better suited for allocating materials to the needy.

3. I Don't Want To Encourage This Type Of Behavior

I don't like strangers coming up to me, bothering me and asking me for stuff. I want to wait for my bus or train and be able to read or listen to music in peace. By rewarding people who disturb my solitude I would, in fact be, rewarding the behavior of disrupting me. Since I seek to limit this behavior it is in my best interest not to give you a cigarette.

2. Cigarettes Are Expensive

When I was younger name brand cigarettes, such as Marbs and Camels, were sold at the local Kwik Trip for $1.67 a pack. At that time giving out a cigarette cost just over 8 cents. Currently cigarettes go for about $4.00 a pack, therefore bumming out a grit costs me 20 cents. That's nearly enough for a round of Dig Dug at Ground Kontrol. Seeing as how there are roughly 250 working days a year, bumming one grit a day would cost $50 a year, enough to buy a year on flickr and a case of Guinness. That total is at just one smoke a day, I commute round trip and usually get hit up more than once a journey. Because of this, bumming adds up to one fancy meal a year that I can't take my girlfriend to because you don't want to pay for your addiction.

1. I Don't Smoke

And there's that. If I did smoke I still wouldn't give you a grit, due to reasons 2-5, but the fact is; I don't. I understand that I'm poor and I wear a somewhat grungy jacket, this doesn't mean you should try to con me out of my property. Not all poor people smoke. Some of us are poor due to having degrees in poli-sci/philosophy, the job opportunities available with said degrees and the student loans that made it all possible.

Please leave me alone and accept that you're disrupting my reading/photography/musical enjoyment in order to beg. You are begging for 20 cents to feed an addiction. Those who don't see themselves as beggars may want to reflect upon that.