There has been a lot of hubbub lately over The Mitchell Report, Major League Baseball and performance enhancing drugs. As I was watching ESPN in the gym today I had to chuckle to myself; as bad as things may be in baseball they can't even compare to what has been going on, behind the scenes, for decades in American Football. I'm here to break it all down for you in my exclusive report and let me tell you right now it blows the MLB steroid scandal out of the effing water.

As you probably know, the moon landing never happened. Not even Nazi rocket scientists could do a round trip to the moon with computers less powerful than your iPhone. I'm not saying they didn't try, I'm just saying it didn't happen. Although Nazi participation in the U.S. space effort is well known other areas or Axis participation are not. Along with German rocketeers the U.S. quietly imported two other key groups of people; Nazi eugenics experts and Japanese robotics scientists.

"Fine", you say, "so we imported more Axis scientists than have already been disclosed. What does that have to do with the Moon landing let alone Eli Manning." First off, don't interrupt me and second, I'm getting to all that.

See, German scientists may not bleed actual blood or have real feelings but that doesn't mean they weren't smart. They soon figured out that we couldn't do a round trip to the moon, not then and not now. They also knew that if they couldn't do it there is no way the commies could either. This was actually freeing to JFK, who suspected it was a pipe dream all along. This allowed him to siphon the funds that were supposedly going to the moon landing to use for his special projects. His projects to pay back the mob for stealing him the election. It takes far less money to fake a moon landing than to land on the moon (even if the technology was there). That excess money went to two main groups; Nazi eugenicists and Japanese robot scientists.

While both groups worked separately they had the same goal; produce a NFL caliber quarterback whom the mob could control. The eugenicists went about it one way; genetically engineering the seed of Archie Manning whilst the Japanese scientists decided on making a human/robot hybrid ala Robocop.

Tune in next time for part 2: Cooper Manning, Experimental Failure or How Oswald Became The Brady-Bot.