The Strategic Retreat

Why I Hate You, Hippie Protesters

Boy, do I hate hippies. It’s not enough that the defining characteristic of hippies is fashion but they also tend to believe they have it all figured out and scoff at those who don’t believe in what they believe in. They pretend to be open minded, but only about a small sliver of things that fall into the hippie mindset. Outside of the hippie sliver they are some of the most close minded people I’ve ever met. Believe me, I hate hippies as much as the next guy but that will be a whole lengthy article in itself. For now, lets focus on hippie protesters.

Bombing for Peace

Hippie Protesters tend to have a lot of time on their hands, unfortunately they spend most of that time smoking pot and speaking to like minded people. They remind me of people who pray for a solution rather than get off their asses and work for a solution. Take the above picture, hippies love to swear and make references to sex. I can hear them think, “boy, that’ll blow those squares’ minds”. Here’s the problem with the above sign, it makes a great pro-war message. There is really only one way to make more virgins and that way is to fuck. Sure, we’ve had test tube babies since 1978 but they aren’t all that common. Plus, when the saying “Bombing for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity” originated there was only one way of making virgins; fucking. So, what this sign really says is “Having Sex is the Only Way of Reproducing, Much like Bombing is the Only Way of Creating Peace”. That’s not what hippies mean, but hippies rarely say what they mean. “I want to not work, feel superior, smoke pot and have sex with other hippies” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Besides, putting that on a placard makes it harder to feel superior and hip.

It’s not just that I hate the “Bombing for Peace” protester hippies, I hate just about all protester hippies. Why? Because they accomplish nothing. It’s not like I don’t know you’re anti-war. Reeking like patchouli and wearing hippie clothes tells me that much, the sign is just redundant. The sign gives me no new information. If your sign directed me to a website with well thought out points aimed at fence sitters then I could get behind your protests. As it is you may as well be a dude in an Armani suite with a picture of a dollar bill above his head or a dude in a beat up pickup with Montana plates and an American flag on his car. I know you like peace, money, or America. The sign does nothing.

Here’s an idea, hippies, how about you don’t look like worthless hippies when you protest. Go to your parents house and put on some nice clothes and then go out in an orderly manner and hand out literature about why the war is bad. Assume you already have the hippies on your side so get some facts that appeal to people who aren’t you; financial costs, long term medical costs, weakening our ability to respond to attack, etc. As is, modern protests are just an excuse to shout, swear, hook up and feel like you accomplished something when you didn’t. I may as well be in church.

About Jeff

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