Lot's of people hate Valentine's Day. Unlike the others I'm not one of those people who hates V-Day because I'm ugly and alone. I'm fly and coupled and most likely I'll be getting some tomorrow from my hot girlfriend. But just because I enjoy the day doesn't mean its not bullshit. There are many many reasons why Valentine's is bullshit but since I have stuff to do I'll list one: Valentine's hearts. Valentine's hearts piss me right off. Why? Because they aren't hearts, they're vaginas.

Now, I like a Va-jay-jay just as much as the next guy but calling it a "heart", having little kids make them (complete with thrusting arrows) and giving them out is just plain weird.

This is what a human heart looks like, more or less. Not terribly heart shaped now is it? That's OK, a heart's function is to pump blood. It has nothing to do with romantic or sexual feelings. Besides, Valentine's vaginas predate widespread human vivisection by hundreds of years. Meaning, when people first created Valetine's vaginas they didn't actually know what a human heart looked like.

This is what a "heart" looks like. The two aren't overly similar are they? To me the "heart" looks like a) a bent over butt, b) inverted cleavage or c) a vagina. It doesn't take Johnny-5 to figure out that "hearts" are not meant to represent hearts.

And that's ok. I don't have a problem with a vaginal symbol of love. Lets all get construction paper colored like sex organs engorged with blood and cut out vaginas til our hearts are content. Fine.

What I do have a problem with is calling Valentine vaginas "hearts" and teaching our kids how to draw excited genitalia whilst being up in arms when Sex Ed is taught before 18. Let's call a spade a spade here and acknowledge that when a kindergartener is giving another kindergartener a "heart" with a "Cupid's arrow" what he/she is really doing is giving out a picture of two people fucking. So, the same people that don't want their teenagers to learn about safe sex are all for having their 5 year olds handing out badly drawn porn.

All that being said, the 14th is a great day to fill a Valentine's vagina up with sex drugs and score with single, lonely, pathetic women. Cause really, that's what V-Day is all about.