The Strategic Retreat

Bottled Water Drinkers: Why I Hate You

bottled water polution

I dislike the American lifestyle, greatly. That doesn’t mean that I don’t embrace some aspects of it or don’t do somethings myself that are morally questionable. But as somebody once said; “don’t forgo the better for the perfect“. I’ll never be perfect but that doesn’t mean I can’t improve myself.I like to look in the mirror every morning and say, “Self, What Wouldn’t Paris Hilton Do”. Yes, I address myself as “Self” and capitalize every word when I speak. Paris Hilton wouldn’t drink from the tap, so that’s our first clue that bottled water is bad. Granted, if you run a Google image search of, Paris Hilton Water, the second image will show her drinking a glass of clear liquid but I’m pretty sure it actually contains Indian tears.It comes down to this: Bottled water is no better for you than most tap water, bottled water is wasteful, water bottles aren’t heavily recycled and you’re a dick for drinking bottled water.


Water is made up of 2 hydrogen atoms with 1 oxygen atom, even Evian.

Bottled water comes from two primary sources: the tap or some fancy place you think is better than the tap but isn’t.

A quarter of all bottled water crosses national borders, another quarter comes from the tap.

Water bottles do not require a 5 cent deposit thus negating my recycling/donation effort I like to call “throwing away cans to employ the homeless“.

How Portland Recycles

My charity work is ineffective with water bottles, 125 million end up in Oregon’s landfills each year.There are a billion people without suitable drinking water, you’re not one of them. Therefore; you’re a dick for drinking bottled water.

About Jeff

I write a lot of things about a things. Feel free to comment with suggestions.