The Strategic Retreat

The Shoe Conundrum

Douglas Adams felt it was important to know where your towel is, being that a towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. That’s all well and good, but I’m not an interstellar hitch hiker. Hell, I’m not even an intracity hitch hiker, I take the bus. Yes, I need a towel to dry myself but not for much else. In the real world you really only need one thing; a pair of shoes. Believe me when I tell you this, you better know damn good and well where your shoes are at.

Shoes are unique in the fact that you need a pair of shoes in order to buy a pair of shoes. I know, from experience, that you can’t just show up to the local Sprawl*Mart sans shoes and expect to be able to be able to waltz on in. No matter how well you rehearse your story or how much you plead, nobody takes a barefoot man very seriously. If you already have a pair of shoes then they’ll be happy to sell you additional pairs but if you have none, well you’re just S.O.L.


At this point you have just a few options; 1) wrap your feet in duct tape, 2) become a hobo, 3) order shoes online and wait, 4) get good at climbing power lines.

About Jeff

I write a lot of things about a things. Feel free to comment with suggestions.